From the life of Aaron Sforza
This is my life: Day 1; 3/22/2010 1:28 A.M.
So where do I start….I am about to have a baby and I am kind of scared yet kind of prepared for him. I want to name him Aaron Juda Sforza but Jaime (my wife) won’t let me have his middle name as Juda so we are probably going to go with Michael which I don’t like nor do I want, I don’t know why I mention it but I do. I kind of don’t have any say is what goes on I just sit down hold on and shut up or I have to worry that she will leave me. I can’t have that she is my life. I mean I can’t live without her. There are some things that upset me like how she tells me she will be there no matter what yet the second something happens she tries to leave. I mean what kind of love is that. I catch her lying to me all the time and I let it slide. I do it because I love her unconditionally. Which if you didn’t already know means under any condition. I am not sure the feeling is mutual but that is why I am writing this so I can vent it out because she will just yell at me. I mean loving somebody unconditionally means under any condition not just when it is convenient for you I mean I gave it all up for her. However I feel unappreciated always and I don’t feel like she appreciates what I did and do for her. I mean I am seriously doing everything every day for her. I swear to me she is the one and I won’t ever give up on trying to make her happy even though I probably never will. I try and yea I mess up but so does she yet she doesn’t have to be held accountable for anything because she is the boss and I am the worker. Whatever I don’t want to speak on it more but I would like to say if something happens to me or I do something to myself I want everything to go to my son and my wife. They deserve it. Now I am not saying something is going to happen but you never know. I know I am rambling on but I needed to get some of this out of me so I could be a little more at ease. Well I am already in trouble for being out here so I am going to go back into the room and try and sleep away my sorrows but I bet I wake up the same way tomorrow. This is Aaron and it is now 1:35 A.M and I am signing out. Have a good night. Let’s hope I have a better day tomorrow even thought I don’t think I will and I think it will be the same and nothing will change. You know one last thing. I wanted a kid so bad and I thought it would bring so much joy but so far I haven’t experienced any joy except some kicking besides that I don’t get laid anything and I don’t get any quality time with my wife and I am just background noise that just gets to hear and what she is experiencing and what she is going through not realizing I am about to kill myself I am so depressed. She asks what’s wrong instead of saying I know something is wrong talk to me like I do with her.